Ron Fournier spoke right to my heart in his new book, Love That Boy. He manages to capture the fears, expectations, joy, and confusion that come along with fatherhood. As a father of four sons, this book was both a reassuring hand on my shoulder, and a punch to my gut.
Fournier is a political columnist who has brushed shoulders with three US Presidents, his career taking him to great heights, but also making him something of an absentee father and husband. When his son, Tyler, is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, on the autism spectrum, Fournier launches on a series of road-trips to try and connect with him. Fournier has to come to grips with the fact that Tyler won’t meet his expectations. Fournier is an avid sports fan, Tyler is uncoordinated and uninterested. Fournier is winsome and driven, Tyler is awkward, quirky, and unpopular.
The moments between father and son are touching, funny, and heartbreaking in equal parts. Fournier is courageously confessional. He manages to weave other stories into the story of his time with Tyler: stories of the extended Fournier family along with the stories of other families whose children face challenges similar to Tyler’s. Hearing these other stories lends perspective to the central story of a father trying desperately to connect with his son, first on his own terms—with no success—and then gradually on his son’s terms.
But the real value of this book is in the social commentary that Fournier offers throughout. He begins this commentary with a stinging statement. “A parent’s love is unconditional. A parent’s satisfaction comes with caveats. This is an important distinction: you love your kids no matter what, but you expect them to be something—smart or popular or successful, maybe a scholarship athlete who marries well and runs the family business.” Ouch. While Fournier goes on to unpack this thought in one convicting passage after another, it never comes off as heavy-handed. This is because Fournier takes on a confessional tone, as if to say, “These are the hard lessons I had to learn and I want to share them so they become even more meaningful.” That’s not to say these lessons are anecdotal; Fournier cites studies and stats in keeping with his journalistic bent. This is solid, helpful stuff.
This is such an important book, working on so many levels to confront an issue that plagues the American family. As parents, we must confront the tendencies to compensate for our own shortcomings in the achievements of our children. What’s at stake is being able to really connect with our children as they are, and not just our idea of what they could be. Fournier finishes the book by laying out three attributes we need to instill in our children: grit, acceptance, and empathy. We can’t instill these characteristics if we are unable to connect with our children on a heart-level. Once again, the stakes are high.
In my opinion, this book is a must-read for parents, and for dads especially.
Please Note: This book was gifted as a part of the Blogging for Books Reviewers Program in exchange for my unbiased review of this work. This has in no way influenced my opinion or review of this work.