4 Lessons I’m Learning as a Dad

Not a comprehensive list, but some random thoughts on being a dad.

1.  All my boys are different from each other

This sounds obvious, but as I read parenting books I sometimes get the mistaken idea that there’s a cookie-cutter approach to raising kids.  This is certainly not the case!  My three boys couldn’t be more different.  I mean, they’re boys, so they all share a love of gross stuff.  But other than that, I see more differences than similarities much of the time. This can be frustrating, but recently I’ve begun to really appreciate these differences, my frustration fading into joy as I see the creativity of God at work once again.  One of the joys and adventures of being a father is discovering the “bent” of each of my boys and encouraging them to be all that their Heavenly Father would have them be.

2.  I have an anger problem

And nothing can bring it out like something going down in the Duffel house.  Why is this?  I can deal with groups of unruly teenagers as a youth minister and angry people getting in my face with total Zen calm.  However, if Brycen, my oldest, cops a little attitude I often fly off the handle.  I’m learning to seek more closely my Heavenly Father, to rely more on the grace of His Son Jesus.  Guess what?  I am bearing the fruit of patience as God works in me.

3.  You can teach a six-year-old to be socially just

I love it when Brycen, who is six, and Jace, who is four, pray before bedtime.  Often their prayers include an intercession for “people who don’t have enough food,” and “people who don’t have any money.”  Beth and I have tried to be diligent in reminding our boys that our living circumstances in this country are not typical of every other person on this planet.  I think this has to start young.  We also live in a part of the country that is predominantly white and middle-class, so now we’re working on some ways we can show our boys that the world is more diverse ethnically and culturally than we usually realize.  This takes work, but I think it’s possible, and vital, for kids to learn these lessons when they are young and still malleable.

4.  The best thing I can do for my boys is love their mother

Man, they don’t miss anything!  They see all.  Mimic all.  It’s no secret that the broken family has achieved epidemic status in our society.  Where do kids see first-hand how to love sacrificially—or not—in the marriage relationship?  Where do they grasp this “husbands love your wives” concept that is more “caught,” than “taught?”  No pressure, Dad!  Well, maybe a little pressure…