Check out my previous post “4 lessons I’m learning as a dad”.
1. Love is spelled T-I-M-E
Quality time is not possible without quantity time. It’s simple: when I spend lots of time with my boys playing and talking, they feel loved, and when I neglect this time, they don’t feel loved.
Jobs come and go. Busy seasons come and go. When the dust settles, my family will still be there and my value as a father will not come from how much I loved my boys, but by how much they knew I loved them.
2. Tone of voice is everything
I know this to be true. Why I can’t I live it out? I can’t discipline effectively when I discipline out of anger.
My tone of voice and body language often communicate my frustration, even when I am trying to choose my words carefully. What if Proverbs 15:28 (“The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil”) isn’t just about the words themselves, but the tone and manner in which those words are spoken?
3. Consistency is key, but not in the way I thought
New revelation: what if consistency in discipline is not really about responding the same way in every case, but simply responding, period, in the most appropriate way?
Each situation is different, each child is different, and the ultimate goal of discipline is teaching. So shouldn’t each response to misbehavior be in a manner that most effectively teaches the better way?
Is it possible that always having the same consequence for a particular misbehavior could actually be counter-productive to the teaching end of discipline?
Just some things I’ve been kicking around.
4. I’m not raising kids…
…I’m raising up adults. If I understand my ultimate fatherhood goal as raising my boys to be noble men who love Jesus, then that totally redefines my approach. This means I have to intentionally prepare them with tools they need to succeed in every stage of life.
I need to back up and let them struggle and fail sometimes so they can learn how to pick themselves back up and deal with failure in healthy ways.
I need to teach them how to be respectful of everyone, even if they deeply disagree with a particular person.
I need to teach them to turn to God and His Word as the ultimate source of Wisdom (intentionally capitalized…see Proverbs 8).
I need to teach them to always help those in need, because each and every human being bears the Imago Dei (the “image of God”).
These things and more are so vital to living a life pleasing to God. They also all seem be “caught” as much as taught, so I need to be modeling them as well as speaking them. Well, no one ever said being a dad was an easy job. Luckily, I have a great Teacher.